KM Viray
Depression is something we all think is common, but does anybody really know the severity of the situation when a person is truly depressed?
Depression is often misunderstood for the brief feeling of the blues or sadness, but real depression interferes with every aspect of a person’s life every single day. It not only causes pain for the person suffering the depression, but for the people around him or her as well.
Unfortunately, many people do not know how to respond to a depressed person. If they do respond, most of the time, they end up making the situation worse.
The Dailypedia has listed the top 10 things not to say to someone who is depressed:
1. “What is the problem? What is wrong?”
Sometimes there is no answer. A depressed person sometimes doesn’t know why he or she is feeling that way in the first place. There could be many reasons or no reason at all. Don’t demand for an explanation. Just be there and listen.
2. “It’s just a phase, you’re just sad.”
You are not in that person’s shoes so don’t go telling them that what they’re feeling is just simple sadness. To belittle someone’s depression is like an insult to him.
3. “Everyone’s depressed.”
No, not everyone is depressed. People can get depressed and get over it, but are not necessarily depressed per se. To say everyone’s depressed is like saying, “Everyone’s got cancer.”
4. “Other people have it worse.”
As if they weren’t depressed enough. It’s insulting to imply that a person has no right to be depressed just because you think there are people out there going through something much worse. What could be a shallow or easy problem for you could be a problem for a depressed person that’s almost at the borderline of life and death.
5. “Happiness is a choice.”
If people could choose to be happy, then there would never be no wars or hate or any negative feelings in the entire world. As much as we would like to be happy all the time, there are always bound to be obstacles.
6. “You have no reason to be depressed.”
Again, you have no right to judge or belittle anyone’s problem. In the society we live in, we commonly hear the phrase, “‘Yung iba nga wala makain [There are some people who don’t have anything to eat.]” when they hear about someone’s problem, meaning that person has much more to be grateful for than someone who has no food on their tables. Perhaps it’s true that the depressed person has a good home and can eat three square meals a day, but does that mean he can’t have problems, too?
7. “Get involved! Be active!”
On the positive side of this phrase, to encourage someone to get out and about is the listener’s way of distracting the depressed person from his or her problems. Distractions, however, are just that. They’re just a way to forget about the problems for a little while, but in the end, the problems are still there. Besides, a depressed person would rather talk to somebody than do anything else. Just listen and go along to whatever mood they’re in.
8. “You should stop being so negative.”
It’s true that a depressed person can bring the mood down. Most of the time, when people try to jovially approach the person (in hopes of cheering him up) and are refused, they tend to be offended or hurt or, even sometimes, angry for “just trying to help.” As hard as it may seem, try to be more understanding. A person can wallow more in his depression when you make them feel like he is becoming a burden.
9. “I know how you feel.”
Just because you think you’ve gotten depressed at some point or another doesn’t automatically mean you’re now an expert on depression and overcoming it. People have different tolerance levels to problems. The depression someone feels from losing a loved one, for example, isn’t necessarily the same as being depressed because you’ve been fired from a job you love.
10. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
This could very well be the biggest n0-no in any conversation with someone in depression. It has been proven that depression has been linked to many suicide cases. People who are depressed tend to feel that ending their lives is the only way to free themselves from the problems they are facing. While this is considered a positive and inspirational phrase, it has to be said at the right place at the right time.
With all these no-no’s when it comes to talking to someone with depression, it becomes a task to be more considerate and tactful. However, if there is true love between you and the depressed person (whether he or she may be a family member, a friend, or any other love one), it will not really be a task as you’re only after what is best for him/her. The key to opening communication lines between you is for you to just listen and let them tell you how they feel. If they’re not ready to talk, just let them know that you will always be there when they are.
Banner photo from www.mentalhealth.com
