“I have always been an ‘artist’, I just didn’t realize what that meant until my mental illness appeared. I despise the term ‘mentally ill’; it implies that who I am as a person is fundamentally corrupted and broken.”
Kate Fenner, 18, was diagnosed with a terminal mental disorder, schizophrenia at the age of 17. For several years, she has been misdiagnosed with other conditions.
“My name is Kate and I’m an 18-year-old artist with schizophrenia,” she says. | Photos from her Instagram account
Throughout her life, she experienced anxiety and depression that linked to her illness and hallucinations–hearing voices and seeing bugs.
“I draw a lot of my hallucinations as drawing helps me deal with it.”
Tired of how media depicts mental illnesses, Kate hopes that through her drawings, she will be able to counteract the status quo.
“This one crawls out of the vent in my ceiling and makes clicking noises, or I’ll see it crawl out from underneath things.”
“I personally feel like the media portrays any kind of mental illness in a way that makes people afflicted look incompetent, violent and lazy. While that may be the case for some, most people I know that suffer from some type of mental illness are normal people. The media lacks a portrayal of real people who have to live with it,” she told in an article of The Huffington Post UK.
“This is Birdie, she sings to me.”
Alongside her struggles, she also suffered from suicidal thoughts and compulsive self-harming. It even left scars on her arms and legs.
“Here is an example of the disembodied eyes I see. They surface in a mounds or masses on my walls or floors. They warp and move.”
That’s why she drew her disorder
“In my hallucinations, I hear voices, sound effects, random noises, and I often see bugs, faces, and disembodied eyes.”
She finally found a solution to cope up with her situation, drawing. She said she find it therapeutic and hopes her illustrations will have a positive impact on others with the same condition as hers.
“I have a lot of intense emotions, and hear voices telling me to light things on fire.”
On venting out to her illustrations, she says:
“I hope my art will speak to those who feel lonely and lost. At times when I have felt that way, I always looked to my inspirations for comfort: Heath Ledger, Tim Burton, Batman comic books. I want my art to invoke something within people that drives them to follow what they are the most passionate about.”
“I hallucinate bugs quite often, and my depression makes me feel worthless like a fly. These bug illustrations represent my illness.”“This is a self-portrait. I looked in the mirror and my eyes did this thing. I painted it.”
To see more of her creations, you can follow her on Instagram, @awkwardapostrophe.
“My self-esteem is at its lowest, and I feel insignificant. I always wish I could shapeshift into a “prettier” person.”
Denis Santos
