Charles Teves
- It all boils down to the basics of attraction
- We want people who are our opposites
- Look back on your dating history to change this pattern
In one of his songs, rapper Drake said, “Tell me why I always fall for your type.”
This is a question a lot of us ask but have zero answers to.
We always tell ourselves that next time would be different, but the next lover, most of the time is just as bad as the previous one.
A study done by social psychologists at the University of Toronto (U of T) suggests that people look for the same type of person that they had a previous relationship with, over and over again.
It is like people are wired to date a person who has a certain personality that they yearn for.
Lead author Yoobin Park says, “It’s common that when a relationship ends, people attribute the breakup to their ex-partner’s personality and decide they need to date a different type of person.”
But the study conducted says otherwise.
“Our research suggests there’s a strong tendency to nevertheless continue to date a similar personality,” he added.
The data came from an ongoing study that focuses on couples and families. There were 332 respondents that had their current and past partners’ personalities examined.
It was revealed that there was a correlation in a respondent’s significant other, and that the respondents tend to look for that certain type of character repeatedly.
Park said that, “The effect is more than just a tendency to date someone similar to yourself,”.
Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., in a post written in Psychology Today said that “as we come to know our patterns, we can start to make different choices about who we date.”
What she is saying is that if we want to avoid dating the same person over and over again, then we should give our dating history a look.
Furthermore, she says it all boils down to one’s defenses, which is the basic law of attraction.
Let’s say you’re a person who is more reserved and quiet, then you would probably want a partner who is loud and aggressive.
Firestone said we choose partners that we think satisfy what we need and want.
“We choose partners, then, who reinforce familiar attitudes we’ve long had toward ourselves. You may think you were drawn to the aloof and mysterious guy because he seemed deep and interesting, but ultimately, you may have been drawn in by his emotional absence or inability to fully relate to you.”
