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Experts explain the reason why men tend to rush into marriage after they break up with a long-time partner.
The practice is pretty standard as American sexologist and best-selling author Dr. Joe Beam connected it to a word that has been coined in the 1970s called “limerence.” It is a term that explains the feeling or sensation of being madly in love and longing to be loved back.
“It’s an intense longing for reciprocal love from a person… It is this feeling that ‘I will only be fulfilled if you are in my life and you love me just as much as I love you,'” stated Beam.
Those who are experiencing limerence won’t often see any cons regarding the feeling, which is why they often lead of having fantasies of living together with their partner and spending time while doing things they enjoy.
It is also noted that if those in committed relationships experience limerence with a person who is not their current partner, it may be strong enough to pull them out of that relationship.
“You’ll give up this person to be with that person and in intense levels of limerence, you will even vilify the person you are leaving,” he explained.
“You’ll make him or her into a villain. You’ll find whatever bad aspects of them that exist and you will magnify that… so you can justify in your mind leaving this person for this new one… so you don’t feel guilty when you leave.”
Psychologist AJ Sunglao also said that one of the reasons might be because, in long-term relationships, there’s the responsibility and history to uphold. Still, newer relationships tend to feel more enjoyable.
“When you’re with someone for a long time, there are a lot of rough edges… Then, you meet someone who kind of was able to deflect that pretty well. You feel that click. In a long-term relationship, there is gravitas. There is a responsibility and a history that has built it… While anything new is a shiny, new thing that can look fun, that can look nice.”
Sunglao added that the action may have consequences like the couple may feel the need to be more showy or performative on social media.
“Anything that feels rushed is questioned. No one will question any couple who took 10 years before getting married,” he explained.
“If you go into it [a marriage] too soon, it is easier for it to be criticized so it can become a pressure point na, ‘Oh sige, pakita natin sa mga tao na we are happy together.’ You’re now creating a narrative and you’re putting such pressure in a person, you’re putting them in a stencil that they might not necessarily fit into.”
Sunglao then reminded, “Just make sure you are falling in love with the actual person, not just with the idea of someone.”
